‘I didn’t want to die’: Survivor shares story following release of Calgary domestic violence report

After a report out of the University of Calgary shed light on partner violence and femicide in the city — a domestic violence survivor shares her story.

Dee Ade Kugbe, a domestic violence survivor, says she went through physical and mental abuse while living with her partner.

“And because I was so desperate for love, like many of us are, I held on to that you know and with every beat, with every slap.., you know I said, he still loves me,” she told CityNews.

Until she made a brave decision that changed it all.

“For me … I just like, I have to do something with my life, or otherwise I’m going to end up dead … and I didn’t want to die,” Kugbe said.

That was the first time she reached out for help.

Kugbe was taken to an emergency shelter, where she stayed for six months before she was able to restart her life.

The University of Calgary report used over 10 years of data from the Calgary Police Service on intimate partner violence and femicide in the city. UCalgary says the research helps understand points of intervention that might prevent domestic violence from occurring in the first place.

The focus was on 934 men who committed violence against their partners in 2019. Of that amount, 65 per cent have had one or more domestic assault charges during the 10 years analyzed. Of the same total, 48 per cent already had at least one other criminal charge.

The 10-year history of the individuals who already had charges “exhibited a deep criminal history,” with over 2,400 criminal charges levied against them, an average of 5.4 charges per person.

“If forthcoming research can show a relationship between type and frequency of police encounters, then the growing frequency of police involvements, either in the form of criminal charges or domestic conflict encounters, may be interpreted as a warning of an impending DV incident leading to a criminal charge,” the report reads.

“If so, it may be possible for police and the legal system to both change their practices and to involve support services at an earlier phase of a perpetrator’s behavioural trajectory to reduce the likelihood that it continues to a DV charge.”

Kugbe says embarrassment can stop women from asking for help.

“The first time he hit me I thought it was a dream because I’ve known this person for eight years, it can’t be possible,” she said.

“He used to use me as his punching bag.”

UCalgary researchers hope this report will influence public policy, future legislation, and programming in Alberta.

“What we need to do is take note of all of this and begin to, you know put in recommendations, funding and do so something about it,” Kugbe said.

-With files from Dione Wearmouth