Stop looking for ‘the one,’ University of Alberta professor says

Today is a regular Wednesday for some, and for others — love is in the air.

But for those looking for that special match, it’s best you stop.

That’s according to Dr. Adam Galovan, an associate professor in the Department of Human Ecology at the University of Alberta; it’s a long title, but what he studies is both simple and complex — it’s love.

“When we look kind of a bit deeper into that, what we’re seeing is that if they hold that idea that could be a problem if they’re not then willing to put in the effort, if they’re kind of just hoping love just hits them out the air rather than saying, ‘I have to work for this, I have to put in some effort to make the relationship work,'” he explained.

Galovan and his team have been doing research on the idea of love and how soulmates are not found, they are made, by putting the work in, and fostering realistic expectations.

“We found that, we were looking at what we call connectivity and there can be people that are seemingly satisfied but they aren’t very connected in their relationships and when you look at all the other things they say about their relationships, just being satisfied isn’t enough, you have to have more of a connection with your partner, that deeper sense of togetherness,” he said.

He says the research shows that flourishing couples are instead committed to building their relationships together, and that making a quest to “find the one” could actually make it more unrealistic.

“Get to know people in a variety of circumstances, not just kind of one type of situation and see how they respond in different circumstances,” Galovan said. “If you feel like they’re someone you can hang out with, you can get along with, and you just kind of let things progress and see how it goes.

“Don’t worry too much about if they’re ‘the one,’ just work to nurture the relationship and see how things go.”

Even though inflation is still biting many Albertans, it appears less people are cutting out cupid this year, according to the Calgary Chamber of Commerce, which anticipates a significant bump in business.

A recent Abacus poll surveying Canadians found that two-thirds of Canadian couples are celebrating the day of love, which is up from last year.

It also shows most men prefer some kind of physical contact from their lover today, while women are more likely to prefer some kind words and acts of service.